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This National Adoption Week: Family Profiles

During Part 1 of the Family Review, we heard from families with adopted children about their experiences of adoption. This National Adoption Week we want to illustrate the ways that adoptive families contributed to our research by sharing their Family profiles – a snapshot of what family means to them, their strengths, the challenges they have experienced, how they like to spend their time and the support they value the most.

Today we want to highlight three family profiles that show the strength of adoptive families to overcome challenges and adversity. The families recognise that while their experiences have presented difficulties, their family bonds and wider support networks have given them strengthen and stability.

Many of the adoptive families we heard from in the Family Review said there is a need for greater recognition and understanding of the challenges adopted children face.  This week we want to raise awareness of the diversity of needs among families and celebrate all adopted children, their adoptive parents and wider family networks. You can read about different families experiences of adoption in their own words in these Family Profiles.

I am a solo mother to my adopted son aged 3. We have a strong bond and are a tight unit and I value the ability to put the needs of each other first.  We have some challenges, including my son having developmental trauma from his early life experiences, managing the cost of living and being a solo parent with a son with disabilities and working. Family support has helped and the adoption support fund should help when it finally comes through though it takes too long and we need help straight away.



I am a mum to a daughter aged 16 and an adopted son aged 10, and wife to my husband of 18 years. But our chosen family goes beyond that to include close friends who we see every day, and my sister-in-law’s family as well. Our family bond is strong, and everyone has a voice. We always make sure we have quality time together, sitting down to eat as a family as often as we can, and taking the time to share our day. I love our family fun days and our holidays, especially as my children are now getting older. I really value the bond our teenage daughter has with us both, and with her brother even though it’s difficult at times.  My son struggles with his emotions & behaviour, and his school has been resistant to looking beyond this. It’s been a steep, uphill battle and their attitude has had a big impact on our homelife. Everyone’s mental and emotional health has suffered because of it, not just my son’s. His sister has needed counselling as a result, and my physical health has been put on the backburner. It's not been easy, but it has brought us together as a family. We involve our daughter in conversations about her brother so we can all work together to not let our son’s behaviour define him.  It has taken a long time to make any headway with my son’s school, but we have had some amazing help along the way from many different support services – the Virtual Schools, speech and language therapy, art therapy and post-adoption support to name but a few. Also, the support of my two closest friends. We have all supported each other these last few years as we all have neurodiverse children. Getting extended family to understand was a challenge, but a diagnosis of DLD has helped Positively, it has brought us together as a family. Due to the pandemic, training from OAWY was put online which meant my husband was able to attend. This really helped as he finally understood what I had been trying to explain; this in turn changed how he parented, which also made a difference as we were on the same page.

Myself and my husband have been married for 6 years, last year we adopted 3 children (a biological sibling group) now aged 4, 5 and 7. We live close to my husband’s parents and one of his brothers and see them regularly. We have limited contact with my side of the family except an aunt and my brother.  We are very emotionally invested in our children. They have experienced lots of trauma which means we have to parent them therapeutically. As a consequence we spend lots of time as a family talking about how we feel and how this impacts how we behave. We work together to find coping strategies and ways to regulate. Wherever possible, we try to be as open and honest about anything and everything. We value spending time together, particularly outdoors. My husband’s job has quite flexible hours and I work part-time meaning we get quite a lot of family time. Another big bonus is that we are nearly always home for dinner and bedtime so we get to all do that routine as a family. Our children have experienced trauma, and this very often shows up in ways people don’t understand. Lots of family members judge us for the way our children behave or comment they are “too easily scared”. We find it difficult to advocate for our children when others don’t want to understand the impact of trauma. It’s hard to change peoples views and share our children’s experiences when they aren’t willing to listen. We see the hardships our children face and have spent lots of time and worked with professionals to best help them. It makes us doubt ourselves when people who don’t fully understand try and tell us what to do.  However, we have found other adopters to talk to, my husband’s side of the family are more willing to understand which has helped. We spend less time with those who don’t want to engage in our children’s life story. We are also supported by the therapeutic team at the local adoption agency who I have found really helpful. They helped us to understand how trauma has affected our children’s everyday life and given us strategies to help manage this.
 

Channel website: https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/

Original article link: https://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/2022/10/19/this-national-adoption-week-family-profiles-2/

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